The first of which was drawn out confused.
But the second
He had just flown in from somewhere.
I wanted to spend time with him but I knew he was here on assignment.
We hugged and exchanged words and looked forward to the time we'd spend later.
But he was here specifically to interview and hang with, and get to know better, Lou Reed.
There were some handlers around Lou and I had to let my time with Paul go
so he could move into that inner circle they puttered about for a while then
left for the warehouse kingdom that Lou resided in.
Some time later, at a social event and a bar I caught back up with Paul.
We embraced and I noticed his energy was different. He seemed very far away.
"What's going on with you Paul?" I asked
But I knew already what he was going to say, before he mouthed the words.
It was something I'd thought a lot about.
How do you create more joy, bliss in your life.
"I need a lot of bliss in my life, really a lot. " he said.
A man with a blue dress on, long eyelashes and shimmering pink eye shadow walked by and
we were quiet for a few minutes, in contemplation.
"You want to go back in there with Lou don't you" I said.
He nodded in affirmation.
"I have been looking at the places I have joy in my life" I said to him
"things like playing music, spending time with certain friends, writing songs,
children, creativity. "
He said again for emphasis, "I need a lot of bliss".
I knew what he was referring to, on some level, and knew that meant our time
together was over. No one could administer that much continual good time feeling even
with a full supply of liquid bliss via IV.
I wished I had it again. That kind of bliss you have for just a little while, when
you are floating, soaring above all of mankind's woes with someone very special, on a lovers pink cloud. It's a sand painting though, within a year the wind blows it away. If you are lucky, and
i have been, you are left with something wonderful and livable and sustainable underneath.
The floor boards of reality.
"I guess that means you are breaking up with me, we are breaking up" I concluded.
I looked at him angrily, took his chin in my hand and pulled it my direction. But his eyes
were looking another way. A far away place.
I felt lost and suddenly abandoned. He wasn't leaving me for anyone in particular
he was just leaving, and wherever that place was he was going, so was Lou.
Though he'd already apparently, been gone for awhile, It hadn't seemed permanent
until now. I was losing a best friend, a companion.
At dreams end I'd come into acceptance, hugged him goodbye, and left him there in that airport bar. An airport with planes to a far away land, places that I can't go, and no one can, still living.
When I awoke it occurred to me that Lou Reed passed away a year ago today and that Paul passed exactly 19 months ago today. God bless and enjoy that bliss dear ones.