Sunday, August 5, 2012

It Wouldn't Hurt To Go In And Look Around

I had a dream this morning: 

My 2nd mom and her daughter Sherrie, decided to move away from me and my son Alexander. They'd gotten an offer for a corporate job in Chino and decide to take it. I was sad to see them go and it left me with a whole in my soul: that place that feels a loss of 'belonging' and that is at once afraid of being close (and counting on someone) and fearful one will never have that feeling of belonging with another or community again. 

So I, dream-person that I am, toyed with the idea of going to work at a corporate job myself. 

There was a big office building where some folks I sorta knew worked and this place even had it's own recording studio (they touted a list of celebrated mix-media artists that had recorded there). I thought to myself, 'It wouldn't hurt to go in and look around'. 

It was lunchtime when I arrived and employees were streaming out of elevators and stairwells, some were in the lobby with their lunch packs and knotted up in little groups of 5 or 6. I found a group where I recognized about 3 or 4 of them from church or my kids school and went and said hello to them. 

Maybe they didn't hear me, because no one responded to my greeting. I sat on the ground and looked up at them in their lounge chairs eating sandwiches smiling and laughing and talking about nothing much. Not noticing me. So I let my eyes move elsewhere in the lobby with it's hugely vaulted ceilings and fake trees and the advertisement/TV media-wall playing random broadcasts, unwatched.

People that worked here obviously made good money. Look at them...most of these employees had the latest styles on, stuff right out of the pricey showrooms. Cute polka dot blouses with leather cuffs, paper-mache high waisted pants, tailored antennae dresses and men in fashionable pinch-toed shoes. 

These were people that knew how to make money, and knew how to spend it. 
The question was: 
Did I want to work in this vast, seemingly unending building with very few doors in or out, and shoehorn my life into this linear schedule?
Answer: Not enough. So I got up off the ground and woke myself up.

1 comment:

  1. Ahhhh, Cindy,m'love!! So, refreshing to hear yr voice across the miles. You are an indelible stamp of wonder on my mind and heart. Your dreams have always served you well. Always, you are a dear spot in my deepest memories,I wish you the kindest moments with Paul and of course Alex. BIG Hugs!

    See you in our dreams! Lois