Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Heavy

I know I've been slacking with keeping things up and moving on my beloved blog....but, for heavens sake, I've been busy writing songs. So I thought I'd let you in on one of my new ones, something I wrote 2 days ago in fact, and since I've been at home this weekend nursing a sore throat, I thought I'd learn how to use iMovie as well (please forgive the indulgences)...

The song is called The Heavy and there are times we all have to play the role. I've done it at my husbands nursing home enough times now that they are afraid to tell me that the hearing aids have gone missing again. I've come to like the nurses there quite a lot, they do the work that most of us would run away from, and they do it day after day. I don't know how they have the stamina, honestly. I find it difficult to go in and take Paul out once a week. The smells, the hungry looks from the tenants. I can honestly say, it hasn't gotten easier.

* * *

We normally take Paul out for a few hours. Today we drove into downtown Encinitas, two blocks from the beach, very near our apartment, it has the feel of old surf country Southern California, like I remember Newport and Laguna Beach having as a little kid.

Paul and Alexander were up for a frozen yogurt and as we drove through the green light, next to the popular dessert place, a bicyclist ran through his red light and was hit by a young motorist. Right before our very eyes. He rolled over the hood and windshield and fell on his side. The motorist, who looked no more than 19 got out to see the bicyclist hopping up and brushing off his limbs. He was okay.

This was just a block away from the Big Hill where Paul had his initial brain injury, on a bicycle, in 1995 (April 15th). It was all a big memory cluster for me. But Paul didn't even notice the bicyclist and i took a breath, we parked and had a treat.

The memory of that day still lives on in me, not in Paul. He's done with it, as he is done with many of his memories. Fortunately he still remembers me and Alexander, and if he doesn't, then he does a remarkable job of enjoying the company of strangers. And that is good enough for me.


  1. Dear Cindy,

    Yesterday night I was looking for a book to re-read and I picked up "Love To Burn" which I hadn't opened for a couple of years....and It gave me such pleasure that after reading a few chapters and before going to sleep I told myself I have to go on the internet tomorrow and see I there is anything there about Paul Williams ....and sadly I found myself on the official website where I was shocked to learn about Paul's failing health - I hadn't been aware of that , I am French and living in a remote island in the south pacific called New-Caledonia and the news hadn't reached me.

    I have been a fan of Neil Young ever since I was 16 or something ( 52 now...), and sometimes in the late 90's I stumbled upon "Love To Burn" in one of the less likely places where you would expect to find such specialised litterature - a book store in the international terminal of Sydney airport !...I hadn't heard about the book so I decided to give it a try and see what it was like ... and honestly, it is by far the best-written and more insightful book I have read about Neil Young, and believe me I have read a few.... I was so enthusiastic that at the time I managed to find an e-mail contact for Paul and exchanged a few messages with him - which he seemed to appreciate since, as he was telling me, he had had quite a lot of reader's feedback on his Dylan books, but not so much on this Neil Young one - and he made a point of writing a few lines in french, a language he was saying that he had loved learning at school, but sadly had few occasions to practice.

    Anyway Cindy, this is just to send you a small sign of love and whish you a lot of strength in the coming years, and to let you know that Paul's work has meant a lot to me - and that I cherish the memories of having been in written contact with him.

  2. Hi Cindy
    I saw Mr Dylan in Adelaide, Australia, a couple of nights ago. Although his voice sounded like a broken chainsaw I remembered the initial guide to Dylan that Paul had provided for me. I remember buying the first and second of his Dylan books. Such articulate and insightful writing, it felt like a conversation with a good friend. I recall his article on Dylan circa ’79/80 as being just brilliant.
    I wanted to make a $20 donation but my money doesn’t come through till tomorrow. I’ll do it then – Good Friday.
    Kind regards