Sunday, January 27, 2013

I'm Scared

I'm scared. Today I saw Paul, one week since the last visit, emaciated now, dying. 
Right now as I type he is being picked up, taken to a nearby hospital with severe dehydration. 

I got mad. Why didn't you tell me how bad he looked. Why won't his bed go up so he can take a sip of the shake I brought him ("his bed is broken" get a new one I said "the maintenance man is out. We'll see if there's a spare"). His eyes are glazed. He's dying I think. 

So I get mad. The nursing home, who was going to wait to do his lab tests on Monday finally calls and he will have his blood taken today. But 5 hours later. Then, they say there will be a 2 to 3 hours wait for results.

That was at 3pm today. I wanted to punch a wall. But there is a procedure to getting the tests. At least I sped it up by a half a day. If we'd waited til tomorrow he could be dead with his sodium at this critical level, which means he is severely dehydrated. 

Now it's 11pm. No one to call to watch my son. So I wait at home to hear if he's reached the ER and then I will call and let the the hospital know that someone, who can't make it to the hospital because they have a young sleeping son, loves this person. Please, take care of him.


  1. Call me. 760-644-0640 I will watch your son for you.


  2. Thank you Victor, you're a true friend! And I know you know all about brain injury since it's touched your own families life so deeply...
    god bless

  3. I can help you, too...message me on FB
    Sending love and a smile.
    Sue Whittington

  4. oh, Cindy, I feel your pain. I hurt for you. Glad you have this blog to let your frustrations all hang out. You will be in my thoughts. xo

  5. So sorry you're going through this Cindy. This is by far the hardest part. I hope for the very best for you all.
    Amy Neufeld

  6. As a fan of both you and Paul before you got together, just know that you both are loved.

  7. Dearheart,

    I just found your blog thanks to a link from Steve Stiles. It's been years, far too many, since I fell out of touch.

    My heart is with you, Paul, & Alexander. All praises for your patient advocacy and persistence -- it oughtn't be needed, but I've spent too much time in caregiver support roles these last few years to think it's anything other than crucial. No wonder you wanted to punch a wall! I wish I didn't live on the other side of the country, that I could be there as part of your local support team.

    Thanks so much for your posts and pictures, and for Alexander's post, too. I love all of them, the updates on Paul, your music, Alexander's school, visits with friends...interwoven threads, the fabric of life.

    Holding you gently, gently, and hoping for good news from the hospital,
    Geri Sullivan

  8. I'm so sorry to read/hear this type of news. I'd say being scared & mad just means your mind & heart are in the right place - working well. I can only offer you & your family my heartfelt prayers. But, they do work.